Why is it that the only people who seem to know how to run our country are either driving cabs or cutting hair?

Every day is the dawn of a new error!

One man's Sunday dinner is one woman's Sunday gone.

It starts when you sink into his arms;and ends up with your arms in his sink!

God will give your whole body an orgasm when you die,if  you spend your life in divine foreplay!

Only the mediocre are always at their best!

Freedom is a fundamental right not a privilege.

Guy Fawkes was the sanest man who ever went into the Houses Of Parliament and look what happen to him.

If music be the food of love,certain so called musicians must be impotent!

If the Israelites are God's chosen people,does that make the Eskimos God's frozen people?

If you think that sex is over rated,then you have never made love!

A woman attracted to a man's wealth is only ever going to his small change!

Life is like a shit sandwich.The more bread you have the less shit you eat!

Is a lady barrister without her briefs a solicitor?

Why go to Burton's, just let your local CID stitch you up!

Definition of a lecture:a means of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to 
the notes of the student without passing through the minds of either.

Marriage is a wonderful institution,but who wants to live in an institution?

Neurotics build castles in the sky .Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists charge the rent!

Why is it that all the sages/soothsayers and prophets that have had their predictions published not one 
of them as a prophecy or prediction for after the Bede calender year of 1999?????????

Make your M.P. work for a living,don't re-elect them.

Be careful that the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train!

The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.

The only good Tory is a lavatory.

Those who can,do.Those who can't,teach and those that can't teach lecture on Sociology degree courses.

What happened at Babel?

You could go through a bigot's deepest thoughts and not even get your ankles wet.

The numbers 7 & 9 are very special numbers in the Bible and in life.

Play your music and dance without restriction for in Heaven the players of instruments shall be there!

This is not a dress rehearsal.This is real life!

Do not get angry get even!

Who are these people who keep appearing in newspapers and on television who purport to speak on 
behalf of  "The Community" and who elected them??????????????????

Will the angel Michael come and save us from ourselves again ?

You don't have to be a doctor to have 'patience's'!

He who laughs lasts has only just got the joke.

Two can live cheaply as one for half as long.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.

Contentment is not having all you want,but wanting all you have.

He who finds faults with his friends has faulty friends.

He who ploughs a straight furrow is in a rut.

When in doubt,mumble.

Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Familiarity breeds!

He who laughs when his world is falling down around him is mad.

To high society 'sex' is what they have the potatoes delivered in.

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Is an orgasm a gland finale?

Underneath every successful man there is a woman

Love is blind,and when you get married you get your eyesight back.

Virginity is oppression.Liberate now!

Jesus was a foreigner too.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Give masochists a fair crack of the whip.

If I could choose a place to die it would be Felixstowe in Suffolk England, because the transition from life to 
death would be hardly noticeable.(I know , I lived there for two & a half years.)

I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity!

Tomorrow will be an action replay.